Being's I'm Irish an' all, here's a pair of th' lovely blathering kind of Irish jokes for ye all! Me father would'a been proud to th' hills of me, he would! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World, drinking beer and conversin' with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits besides him.
He says, "How d'ye do?" and hears the lilt in the voice and says, "Ye'd be Irish?"
"Yayse, I am!"
The first man yells, "Barkeep, give us another round and one for me friend here...he's from th' mother country, as well."
The second man asks, "So, where in the ould country ye be from?"
"Dublin!" responds the first.
"Dublin, ye say? So am I!"
The second man hollers, "Barkeep, bring us another round and a shot of yer best Irish Whiskey for me an' my friend here!"
Afterwards the first man asks, "From where in Dublin?" and the second man responds with the street and the first man says, "Well, I'll be...so am I!" and yells,"Barkeep, another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for th' pair of us!"
The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub on the phone asks the barkeep, "How's business doin' tonight, Patrick?"
The barkeep responds, "Not too bad at all! The O'Malley twins are here, gettin' drunk again!"
As soon as she had finished parochial school, a bright young girl named Colleen shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church which she had always attended as a child. In the confessional, Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work.
She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant. She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage.
She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies. They witnessed Colleen's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other... "Mary, Mary, for th' love of Jaysus, will ye just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without any of me bloomers on!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...have you actually ever tasted it?"
The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."
Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...I know you're suposed to be celibate. But...."
The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said quietly, "Better than pork, isn't it?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brenda
Brenda, love the jokes! Maybe because I'm part Irish, too.
I'm a relatively new member to the board, but have seen enough of your posts to say - if you talk a lot, then please keep it up! I always enjoy your insights, your quotes, and your sense of humour. Go raibh maith agat, KimC
Kim! Cool Gaelic! There's something to be said for being Irish, I think..the humour, the wit, the sense of par-tay!
One of the most amazing productions I've seen in a long time is "Lord of the Dance" before it became a glitzy show...when it was first out, pure and cleanly historical, it was breathtaking and goose-bump-raising for me.
Later, it got 'show-biz-zy' and lost the energy and magic that it had way back when...so, all I'n saying is that the Irish music and language and history hooks me good and I love it totally! Thanks for your very kind words and your Irish-ness!
My favorite Irish curse:
May those who love us love us. And those that don't love us, May God turn their hearts. And if He doesn't turn their hearts, May he turn their ankles, So we'll know them by their limping. Brenda
To Those Who Love Us---Love Us For those who don't..May God turn them, If He can't turn them, May he turn their ankles.... So we may know them by their limp.
I used to deliver the mail and this was posted on a condo bulletin board. Two elderly ladies were reading the post,became insulted and tore the post into 3 pieces and threw it in the waste can. I retrieved it..scotch taped it together and now proudly display it on my fireplace mantle!!!
Wow! Thanks for your enjoyment! I've had that curse memorized forever, it seems. I read it for the first time when I was going thru' a rather untidy divorce, and I was in the unpleasant muddle of not knowing who my true friends were. Someone who WAS a real friend gave me that curse on a slip of paper one day, and it cracked me up! Showed me truly who were and who were NOT my friends!
Forever after, when I find myself confronted by a particularly toxic entity of the human kind, it is that wonderful little bit of Ireland that saves my a$$ and my sanity many times over!
Here's a few more, just for you, Diana, Giulia da Urbino, clooney...
A lovely little curse: May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope.
My favorite blessing: May the saddest day of your future be no worse Than the happiest day of your past.
Here's to th' Irish! Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died." The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: "Pete died. Boat for sale."
A limerick for ye'... Have you heard about the Irish boomerang? It doesn't come back, it just sings songs about how much it wants to.
A saucy one for ye' t'enjoy, when ye've a spot o' whisky in ye': Pat and Mike were doing some street repairs in front of a known house of ill-repute in Boston. A Rabbi came walking down the street, looked the left, looked to right, and ducked into the house. Pat paused a bit from swinging his pick and said "Mike...will you look at that! A man of the cloth, and going into a place like that in broad daylight!" A bit later, a Baptist minister came down the street, looked to the left, looked to the right, and scurried into the house. Mike laid down his shovel, turned to Pat and said "Pat! Are you seeing what I'm seeing? A man of the Church, and he's giving that place his custom!" Just then, a Catholic Priest came down the street, looked to the left, looked to the right, and slipped into the bawdy house. Pat and Mike both straightened up, removed their hats, placed them over their hearts, bowed their heads and Mike says, "Faith an' begorrah, Paddy, and there must be somebody sick in there!" Brenda
Thank you Brenda! I'm sitting here, all alone, in the middle of the night (it's 3.40 a.m. here) laughing and laughing... To your 2000th ... and looking forward to your 3000!!
Janel, Annet, Elly, I love it that these made you laugh! Nothing makes me happier than to know that something I said or did made someone else laugh out loud...the healthiest thing in this Universe!
I love the Irish curse about making our enemies limp...it's saved my Irish soul a thousand times, when some nasty bit o' flesh an' bone has crossed my path once too often. All I have to do is replay that little curse in my mind and I'm smiling, looking at the person and imagining them limping...just a wee bit, mind ye!
Here's another few for ye, seein's St. Patrick's Day is nearly upon us...
There was this guy who was 1/2 Irish, 1/2 Scottish...he wanted a drink but he just couldn't bring himself to buy one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At the end of his sermon Father O'Brian turned to his listeners and said: "Now, let me ask you. Which of you thinks truly he is bound for Paradise? Would you please stand?"
He was pleased to note that nearly all of his parishioners stood up. "That's good," he exclaimed. "But now, let me ask you. Which of you thinks he is bound for Hell? Would you stand?"
After a few seconds, Jock O'Burke slowly got to his feet, and remained standing as the priest eyed him with sadness.
Afterwards, as the worshippers filed out, Father O'Brian pulled Jock aside and asked him, "Now, Jock, what is it that makes you fear you're bound for Hell?"
To which he responded, "Oh, Father, I have no fear for my own outcome, but I did feel sorry for you standing up there all by yourself." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father Flanagan was walking down the street when suddenly he heard a scream followed by a thud. To his horror he saw a lovely young lass had been hit by a speeding motorist. In fact she had been hit so hard she had all of the clothes knocked off.
Father Flanagan being a gentleman placed his hat across her privates.
Meanwhile Michael was just inside a pub. He'd been having several pints when he decided enough was enough and he stepped out side to the accident.
"Saints presarve us!" says Michael. "The first thing we got to do is get that man outta there."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said Finnegan. Brenda
Keep these coming Brenda, they are making me squirm, trying not to laugh too hard, at almost half past midnight. I dunno, I just love these Irish jokes, must have to do with being a NY Italian!!
Brenda- When I saw the heading "Holy kamoly", I clicked because I thought "That sounds like Brenda!" Well, soon I was laughing out loud over the computer. How appropriate that I noticed this on St. Patrick's day! Thanks for the giggles...now if only I can keep them straight in the retelling! Joana
Posts: 111 | Location: Baltimore, MD USA | Registered: 02 June 2003
Slow Travel Talk 
divorce, and I was in the unpleasant muddle of not knowing who my true friends were. 
... and looking forward to your 3000!!
and I hope you always keep talking. Love the quotes on every post.
Well, soon I was laughing out loud over the computer. How appropriate that I noticed this on St. Patrick's day!
