I don't think I've seen this one here - it's fairly long, so forgive me if it's a repeat!
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary =========================== Any given day:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary =========================== Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects, ignoring them is becoming tedious.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is quite obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
Posts: 476 | Location: Adelaide, South Australia | Registered: 08 May 2005
great joke and I can especially appreciate it as a cat owned person. I've always known that cats are smarter than dogs. I have a little feral kitty that i am trying to socialize sleeping under my bed right now. She has me wrapped around her little paw.
Thanks, I'll pass this along to the members of our local Fix our Ferals gang.
susan
Posts: 155 | Location: san francisco bay area | Registered: 28 November 2006
Chris, I read your joke earlier, but I couldn't respond because I had a big, fluffy cat in my lap with his head on my mouse hand and I find it a tad difficult to use the keyboard under those circumstances. So you can see that I absolutely LOVED your joke.
It may have taken you a while to get to 100, but your joke was worth the wait!
Topic Closed
