After living all of his 63 years in his small village in Italy, Vincenzo finally gave in to his American wife, Carmella, and moved to the U.S. to be closer to Carmella’s aging mother, who could no longer travel to Italy. They settled into their small apartment in San Francisco, and during Carmella’s daily visit to her mother, Vincenzo found a small, friendly neighborhood bar. While it was not the same as his familiar bar at home, he soon got into a daily routine. Every afternoon, he walked in around the same time and ordered three glasses of the house vino.
After several days, the bartender asked, “Why do you order three glasses at once?” Vincenzo answered, “I miss my two brothers in Italy. Since we can no longer share a drink together in person, the three glasses help me feel a closeness to mio fratelli, Carlo and Alberto.”
For weeks, Vincenzo continued going to the bar every afternoon at the same time, always ordering three glasses of wine, and sharing stories about his brothers, and his old life in Italy. After four months, one day he came in looking quite forlorn, and asked the bartender for TWO glasses of vino. He sat very quietly without saying anything else. The bartender said, “Oh Vincenzo, I’m so sorry for your loss. Was it Carlo or Alberto?”
Vincenzo looked up and replied, “Oh nobody died. Carmella said she was tired of my drinking, and if I didn’t stop, she would have her mother move in with us. I promised her, but that is no reason that Carlo and Alberto have to suffer!”
Carmine's son was seven years old and had never spoken a word. After seeing speech and child development specialists all over the area, Carmine's brother suggested thay take little Anthony to see cousin Bruno, who was the familia fix-it guy.
"Ofa couse-a, I will helpa you kid, Carmine! Bringa him to-a my house-a dis afternoona."
When Carmine and Anthony arrive, Bruno ushers them to a back room in the house.
"So, you no talk-a, anda you are seven years old, eez dat right?"
No answer, just a nod of the head.
"OK. Bend over the table and droppa you pantsa and you underwearsa, too."
Anthony complies and Bruno grabs a 2x4 from behind his desk...and wham! He whacks poor Anthony across his bare bottom.
Anthomy screams, "AaaaaaY!!"
Bruno turns to Carmine, "Bringa him back tomorrow, we teacha him 'B'."
Posts: 455 | Location: New Hampshire | Registered: 12 September 2006
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" **
The math teacher saw that little Davie wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Davie! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Davie quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
**
Little Davies's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. Davie pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "Our detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Davie asked, "Then why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
**
Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?"
**
Little Davie attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Davie asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy." Davie, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think our pool guy wants to buy Mom!"
Posts: 455 | Location: New Hampshire | Registered: 12 September 2006
Topic Closed
Hysterical! Loved it, Palma.
