No offense intended....Elly

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

Aepends how much you've been drinking.
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Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
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Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
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Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Qo you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Oh Dear!

Some people are going to very upset.

Treat it as an education in cultural perspectives and aussie humour. They aren't meant to be nasty, it might just seem that way.

The other day I was down at the beach and a couple asked me about whale watching or something. From their accents they were obviously american tourists. The man said they were americans. I couldn't resist saying "I never would have guessed." The man then explained seriously that, yes, they were from the states. His partner caught my eye and gave me a little smile to say she had understood my irony. I hope she explained it to him later

Elly, don't give away all our secrets or we will have thousands of tourists flooding into the country and we will have to get of our butts and look after them.

Actually we had some similar questions from Australians we came across in our wandering a few months ago. As I said in my trip report 97% were wonderful, helpful, friendly folk, the other 3% you run into no matter where you go in the world.
A publican at a hotel with drive thru liquor store asked if was true we could buy wine for $1.00 a bottle or less than $5.00 gallon jug.
I had to explain about $.99 stores and $4.99 a jug for gallo is not so common anymore. A lady asked what happens to peoples legs in San Francisco with all the walking up hill. I explained most either take the cable car, bus, taxi or don't walk up the hills so much as they older.
Its the same all over.

JohnFromAus:

Which way does the water swirl down the drain? Is this going to be a problem when I brush my teeth, since I live in the northern hemisphere? (USA)

Australia is 24 hours ahead of US time, right? (USA)

Does Australia have an ocean? In the US, we have two and I was just wondering if I might find any place for water sports, like surfing? (USA)

And how high are the Alps? Do they sell Vienna sausages at the ski chalet on top? (USA)

Have to admit yours are better than mine

Couldn't resist this exchange from Notalwaysright.com, which publishes humorous exchanges between service people and customers, who are...not always right, of course. Another geography buff, who's apparently Goographically Incontinent!


Me: “Public library, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I have kind of a dumb question.”

Me: “Oh, well, what’s your question?”

Caller: “I need to know what the seven continents are.”

Me: “Oh, that’s not a dumb question. Why don’t you tell me which ones you know and I’ll tell you which ones you’re missing.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks. Let’s see…North America, South America, Asia, Africa, France, Italy…”

Me: “Whoa, hold up. France and Italy aren’t continents.”

Caller: “Really?”

Me: “You said North America, South America, Asia, Africa…the ones you’re missing are Europe, Antarctica…”

Caller: *writing this down* “Okay…”

Me: “…and Australia.”

Caller: “Oh yeah! Austria! Okay, thanks so much.”

Oh my gosh! I needed a good belly laugh today (did too much laundry and car washing ) and this provided it. ROTFL.

I really should expand my horizons more often and look at other forums other than the group blog and GTGs!

I doubly enjoyed it since I am an ex-pat, ex-pat.

I just read all of these to my Australian husband who laughed out loud! Just fabulous...