I'm so happy to say that after a lot of toil and fears, my 80-year-old mother has finally been able to get travel insurance, so our September trip to Italy at last seems to be a go!!!
Thanks again so much to Ginger, Marie in Edmonton, MarionP., and so many others that offered us so much support and advice.
I really was so downcast earlier this year, when Mom become very ill on her 80th birthday as we were finalizing plans for what was supposed to be a spring trip to Rome and Florence (my fifth trip to Italy but Mom's very first!!)
It was really shocking to find that none of the better-known, or more mainstream insurers (such Blue Cross, RBC and CIBC insurance) would offer to coverage to either people over 80, or people with any pre-existing health conditions. I guess they really prefer to insure people they are very confident would never make a claim!!
But people on the SlowTravel board offered so much good advice and personal recommendations that we kept trying. And after a few applications, health questionnaires and nervous periods of waiting, Mom has finally gotten her coverage at a not-unreasonable price!
She and I are so excited -- I've been carrying on with our trip plans with every finger crossed in the hope that she would be covered and we would be good to go!!! But until now, it was always a dark cloud in the back of both of our minds.
So we leave Toronto on Sept.4 for almost three weeks -- the first in Rome, the final week in Florence and several days in between in Siena (where she may choose to just lounge around the beautiful Palazzo Ravizza the entire time).
I've been seeking planning advice for the first leg and have a lot more questions as we finalize our plans.
But I just wanted to say thanks again so much for all the support and encouragement to not give up from fellow Slow Travellers. Where there's a will.....
Sandra, Thanks so much for letting us know...I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering. Is she totally over-the-moon? Please keep us posted as the planning progresses! I think your mom is blessed to have you as her child
“The best inheritance a parent can give to his children is a few minutes of their time each day.” ~ M. Grundler (...the same can be said for the children) Brenda
fabulous news Sandra!! Good for you for hanging in there and not giving up hope. I'm sure your mom is thrilled!! I'm really happy for you both, yippee!!!!
I'm so happy. Even though there are social security agreements between Canada (which has a National Health Plan) and other countries that do, navigating them is a horrible challenge when an elderly loved one falls ill abroad.
Alas my mum, who at 80 was most hale and hearty, at 93 is rather too frail for such travel; that makes me very sad. (I was a most late baby; she was 41). Nothing specifically wrong with her, just old.
I'm very glad you'll be able to make that trip, and have that memory.
Posts: 868 | Location: Montréal | Registered: 29 January 2006
We just got back from traveling with my inlaws who are 73 and 75. I'm sure you will keep this in mind, but when we asked if my father-in-law was ok, tired, etc, he would say he was fine. But by the end of the trip (12 days) they were both staying in their hotel rooms after 6pm, even though we had long relaxing lunches and afternoon rests. They were just too tired to go out again. It was also hot at times. I didn't think we were overdoing it, we took cabs (they actually wanted to take the buses in Rome which we vetoed) but I guess we should have slowed down even more. I guess my point is even if they say they're ok, I would have made them rest more.
But congrats on getting your insurance. My kids will have wonderful memories of going to Italy with their grandparents and I'm sure you and your mom will have a wonderful time!
Sophia, I totally agree with you! On our trip last April to Italy and France, my 38 year old son was just getting warmed up, when I was leaning towards taking a nap!
I'm in pretty good condition, and it was so tiring to try and keep up, sometimes. When I would say, "Hey, this is too much for me, I'm done now," he was surprised, because he was feeling fine. Bear in mind, he works out every day at the gym, and I work out in my yard, at my job or by walking lots. There's a vast difference in conditioning between us!
One thing I've noticed is that adult kids can sometimes be a little testy or impatient when parents cannot match their energy level, and I wonder if it has to do with not wanting to accept the fact that their parents are actually aging and slowing down. Perhaps, by ackowledging that, it means acknowleging that parents are getting older, therefore moving towards the end of life, rather than right smack-dab in the middle of life with their children.
Whatever the reason, I believe it is mandatory that adult children travelling with parents need to take it easy. Here are a few cautions, from my perspective: ~no morning-til-night walking marathons without plenty of good long breaks, in places where Mom and Dad can sit down, put their feet up, have a cup of tea and a nice relaxing, restful break in a COOL location, out of the sun ~make sure there is always water for them to drink and scheduled bathroom breaks every couple of hours or so ~find out what the parents' natural wake-up time and go-to-sleep time is and cater to that, if possible ~look at a few hours of activity every other day, rather than planning things to do, day after day after day. ~most importantly, know and pay attention to the signs of exhaustion in your parents...walking slower and slower, appearing distracted and not able to pay attention...could be a sugar-low, sore feet or good old-fashioned tiredness setting in...flushed faces from the heat or too much activity. These are my red flags, and your parents will have their own...it's critical to know what those are and watch for them.
I'm a pretty typical parent, and I don't like to inconvenience my kids, so when we are travelling, I try to accommodate them and not hamper their day in any way. That can mean not taking as good care of myself as I should, because I'm too busy trying to make sure I'm not slowing them down.
Hope this helps!
"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." ~ Woody Allen Brenda
Thanks everyone, so much, for all the encouragement! Pokey and Ginger, I've gotta figure out how to use the little icons or emoticons -- they're so fun!
Amy, we ended up getting insurance through a company called Medoc, which is underwritten by Royal and Sun Alliance (as are several other insurers). Medoc, I believe, only offers group insurance but offer coverage through a seniors' advocacy group we heard of in Alberta so she joined and we went that route. But thanks to recommendations from other SlowTravelers, there were several options that also looked really good. People have been so kind!
Sophia and Brenda, you both raise some excellent points about Mom and me being especially slow travellers on this trip! I suspect she will fib at times and say she feels fine; a few years ago, we were on a shopping trip and I thought Mom must be getting tired, which she denied - until she walked smack into a very clean glass door! Of course, that can happen to anyone but it reminded us both that it was time to call it a day!
It can be hard to gauge how another person is feeling but I think we both know if we go too hard any one day, it's going to catch up with us fast!
I'm sorry, Lagatta, that you didn't get to travel with your Mom. I'll think of you when I get crabby and impatient, and remind myself this really will be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that we've been blessed with.
She really is so excited (altho we keep arguing over what to pack in her carry on -- extra dentures, yes; jammies, no; they'd be so easy to replace!)
I will be seeking more advice on our itins and really welcome all the reminders to take it very slow, drink lots of water and take a nap break every afternoon (I'm going to need it!)
Sandra, Congratulations to you and your mom for getting over this hurdle, and thanks for sharing your TERRIFIC news! I'm sure you will both have a fabulous time on your trip. We will certainly look forward to reading your trip report. Enjoy!
This is a terrific thread with great ideas and advice. I was never fortunate enough to travel with my mom and I think that this trip will be fabulous for you and your mom, Sandra. And I do agree with Brenda about you mom being lucky. And I'm sure that you are lucky too!
Then again, I belive that we do create a lot of our "luck" and reinvent ourselves time and time again throughout our lives. As you are doing for this trip.
I really liked Brenda's list of cautions. I'll be 70 my next birthday and I don't plan to quit traveling until I have to. I'm going to print them out and take them with me to remind MYSELF that I need to be more watchful and careful - as I still go at a break-neck speed.
I can't wait to read your trip report, Sandra!!!
Posts: 383 | Location: Cisco, TX US | Registered: 24 December 2002
I'm so glad you are going! I went with my 84 year old mother to London and norway last year. My advice would be to make sure your mum drinks enough water and keeps hydrated. I had to remind my mother to keep drinking. I also encouraged snacking - gelato would be good! And, resting is important.
Sandra and Carol. The most important thing, from my experience with my son on our trip last spring, is to be aware of what is happening for your parents. I don't think, for a moment, that my son was remotely aware of my discomfort and pending exhaustion. He's a wonderful guy, with a huge heart, and he'd not for anything put me in peril.
What I do think is this...he had absolutely no idea that this mom was not able to keep up with him. After all, from the time he was born when I was 20, he'd spent the first number of years of his life keeping up with me, then as he got older and bigger, we were equals as to our endurance when we travelled.
Now, here we are, at this time in our lives, with me slowing down a bit while he's running full tilt like we always have. There I am, trying to catch my breath and catch up to him, so I wouldn't miss anything and so I wouldn't be a drag or a burden to him.
Did I learn anything from this? You bet I did! Next time I'll carefully spell out to my travel partner what my limitations are. I'll make sure that he/she hears me clearly and correctly and I'll then go at my pace, rather than theirs. If I need a break, a snack, a drink, a rest, I'll make sure to take it. I'll stop worrying about inconveniencing the other person and be more careful to not inconvenience myself!
It is a lesson hard-learned, because I was more than a little saddened to realize that I couldn't keep up with him any longer...that made me take a long, hard look at my slower-paced abilities and admit to myself that I needed to slow it down considerably. Humbling, just a little bit, I have to tell you.
Talking with your mom may not clear this up, because she may not know that she is tired/thirsty/worn out...the excitement and adrenalin that I was feeling kept me so pumped that it was long past when I should have stopped that I realized I was totally done in. I think if you talk about it, then keep a watchful eye on her, and make sure to take breaks, take a day off and do nothing at all...take a nap every afternoon, if you can. Besides being good for your mom, it might be good for you, as well!
"How pleasant it is for a father to sit at his child's board. It is like an aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted." ~ Walter Scott Brenda
Congratulations on getting health insurance coverage for your Mom! I am delighted for both of you. How clever of you to have found a seniors group which provided access to this coverage. Happy trip planning!
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fabulous news Sandra!! Good for you for hanging in there and not giving up hope. 
I'm sure your mom is thrilled!! I'm really happy for you both, yippee!!!!
