Ok, so in two weeks we go to Paris first then to England for my husbands son's wedding. We have always been a part of my step sons life and are very happy for him and we have a good ongoing relationship with him.

So my husband being the father..is wondering whether he will be expected to give a speech, toast, at the reception? I have told my husband that his son would have told him if he was expected to do this, but maybe not? Its all very sensitive as you can probably tell.

I have told my husband to just be prepared which he is quite happy to do but just wondering if this is a given...

These days nothing is fixed. In 1970 my sister gave a speech at her wedding, even though it wasn't accepted practice for the bride.

My nephew's father did give a speech at his wedding in 2006.

If your husband prepares a speech he would probably be able to give it as an invited speech, even if it wasn't one of formal agenda speeches.

I would just ask your stepson if he wants his father to give a speech!

In some ways it was easier when etiquette was more formal and only the father (or equivalent male who performed the 'giving away' function) and the best man and groom spoke - it's more flexible now, but there are more pitfalls of accidental upset/insult etc.

My brother's recent wedding was timed and programmed with military precision (everyone, including the bride, was hugely relieved when he took on more consulting work and left his spreadsheet behind!) As the bride's father was very elderly and in uncertain health, it was decided that he would not have the strain of giving a speech, and my husband was asked to do one instead. The father was very hale and hearty on the day, stood up and gave a very long and anecdote laden speech (mostly highly embarassing to half the people there), leaving my husband sitting there watching all his speech being usurped !

I would say, in general, the father of the groom is not usually expected to give a speech - it's usually three from proud, choked bride's father, stuttering from nervous groom and badly chosen Best Man who will come up with all the worst stories about the groom that he can. Increasingly, the bride now says a few words as well, but that tends to be as many speeches as most receptions can take !

Of course it could be a more casual affair, when anyone could chip in, so a few notes in the back pocket in case wouldn't go amiss...

I think that they would have said if they expected a formal speech from your husband

quote:

only the father (or equivalent male who performed the 'giving away' function)

Until a few years ago I'd never been to a wedding where either father spoke. So far as I was aware the tradition was that a "friend of the family" spoke for the bride. Sadly, this tradition had faded by the time my daughter got married.

For that matter, in the old days brides and grooms left after a short reception, some speeches and cake. Nowadays, they seem to want to hang around all night, is if they hadn't got better things to do! A lot has changed in the way weddings are conducted.

I would say No, it is usually the brides father that says a few words. However all the "rules" have been thrown out the window and now everybody and anybody stands up to speak at weddings. I think he shouls ask and that will put his mind at rest
Mary

Thanks everyone! I have told my husband to be ready with a few words, but it sounds like its probably not an issue.

There are many reason why he hesitates to ask outright...that's why I asked here if it was traditional so we would know what to expect.

So??? How did it go? I read the post with interest and I'm curious to hear if your husband did give a speach. How was the wedding?

The wedding was fantastic! My husband did not make a speech and was not asked to. There were already way too many people making speeches, some who shouldn't have!

It was a lovely ceremony in a 15th century church with a great vicar and the village hall was across the street. The food was great, they had caley dancing first then a disco and a tug of war outside in the middle of it all.

Great fun, even if it did take forever to find!

Great to hear it all went well!