Does anyone know or have personal experiences with changing their minds after buying a house and/or moving to Italy permanently? I don't knwo how I would ever regret it, but you never should underestimate the potential problems that may make the endeavor appear (however briefly) like the wrong decision. Or, perhaps just the wrong time...

I'm in a bit of a different position than you probably are in. I moved here, in October, because my husband is Italian and because his business is here, not because of a lifelong dream to live the Italian life. I LOVED traveling and experiencing different cultures (that's how I met Luigi after all), but I considered myself lucky to be a New Yorker and never desired to live elsewhere. I'll also say that I'm still going through major culture shock so my attitude, and I recognize that I do have an attitude about it, will likely change within the next year...I hope so anyway. With that said, had I truly realized how different my life would be here I would have thought longer and harder about it, but ultimately would have made the move anyway. But only because my husband is an absolute gem. I find life here very frustrating, not only for the language gap, but for the notoriously horrendous beaurocracy, the inconvenience of just about everything; the wages are low but many, many prices are high; the general mindset clings to tradition and IMO hinders its advancement; in my area, at least, line-cutting and short-changing seem to be hobbies for some. I read about American services like NetFlix or Tivo or XM Radio and I am deeply jealous. Yes, I have regrets, and if I won the lottery tomorrow, I wouldn't be living here on a permanent basis, but many, many others, especially those whose passion it was to live here, love and relish it.

If you mean if we knew then what we know now, would we still do it? Our answer to that question is a resounding "HELL YES!!!!!"

Is life in Italy different? Are there things we hadn't considered" Are there things we miss from the states? Is the language barrier a problem? Are the drivers dangerous? Is the food delicious? Is life in Italy Amazing? Guess what? The answer to ALL these quesions is the same as the first answer! Hell YES!

And just FYI, in case you didn't know, Italy was not a life long dream for either one of us, nor do either of us have any Italian heritage. Neither one of us is a history major, or an artist. We know next to nothing about wine. Italy simply HAPPENED to us, and we were powerless to resist! Good luck!

You are all kind to share your candid thoughts. And I admire your sense of adventure! I would buy there in an instant but husband, who spent every summer there growing up, is much more practical in terms of "the future." I mean, we have college tuition to pay for our kids and our retirement. On the one hand, I know those things are important, but we are very young (early 30s) and I want to live life NOW. Both of my in-laws were recently diagnosed with breast cancer, mother-in-law stage 4, father-in-law stage 3a, so I don't want to live, wake up 25 years from now and say why didn't we do this?? It's is difficult to know all the potential pitfalls, but this board has really helped. Living in So Cal we have a lot of equity in our house, so the money isn't that much of an issue (for a small place) it is more getting my husband to see it more as an investment in our family and with our money. SIGH.....don't know what to do!

Like Vyolett, I moved here because I married in Italian, not because it was any big dream of mine. I do have regrets in the career arena: had we been in California during the boom years (as we had opportunity to do, but he wouldn't budge out of Italy), we would probably be financially a lot better off than we are now.

But I'm not much of an American, and couldn't now imagine living there for the rest of my life. For me, Italy is a happy medium between Asia (where I mostly grew up) and the US.

Speaking of which - Italian bureaucracy? Hah! You folks ain't seen nuthin' till you've dealt with bureaucrats in India. And, even in Italy, it's been getting slowly better over the 13 years I've been here.


"I mean, we have college tuition to pay for our kids"

Not if they go through the Italian school system and then to Italian university. So far it's almost completely free, which is not likely to change drastically anytime soon, and the quality is good, especially for the price.

You will pay a lot of income tax in Italy (if you're honest, which many are not), but at least you get good health care and good education in return.

I think regrets come from not really accepting what is happening. I fought and fought with the differences i found in this country until i realized i was doing a great disservice to myself and myself alone ( well my husband wasnt too happy with it either)

Now i just accept the way things are. It is not only in italy that you will find a mess of a bureaucracy because i found the exact same thing in Germany, if you can believe it. It is just one of those things that you cant get around so you just have to go with it. To tell you the truth, i dont think it is that bad. No it is not Canada nor should it be.

In the end, it is all a trade off. You lose some things that you like and gain others that you didnt have in your own country. My favorite thing about Italy is how much time i have to myself and with my family and how my life isnt structured around going out and buying things.

Look at it all as an adventure and you will have no regrets.

I have sat on this overnight because I really have so much to say but don't have the ability that some of our other posters do of putting words down.

Regrets, not really. I have minor ones, like not being near my grandmother for the last years of her life or the fact that my children kind of get shafted when it comes to birthdays and Christmas from my side of the family. I know this will change when my father and step mom move over but it is still hard.

I came over to study and to get my then boyfriend to make up his mind. He did but by then I had met my now husband and so ex's choice was mute. I never had some fantasy about Italy, anzi, just the opposite. My parents lived here when I was a teen and I knew all too well the problems so it was the last place I thought I would ever move to.

The first 2 years I was here was the honeymoon period. I thought Italy was great. Had lots of friends (all Italian), lots of things to do, went out to other cities on day trips etc. etc. Looking back, I think it was the fact that I was no longer working more than 90 hours a weeks in our family business not that I was in Italy. I for the first time in more than 10 years had time to go out and have a normal dinner (you cannot imagine what dining out in San Francisco is like for an owner of a restaurant there), sit and have a relaxing drink with a friend or just veg and watch stupid TV. The grind was killing me and the "vacation" was bliss. Then reality hit. I got married and I started to have to deal with bureaucracy in a whole new way. I had of course dealt with the visas, permessi, etc. and none of that was a problem for me. I do things by the book (as if you hadn't noticed ) so when they said I needed _______ documents I got them and didn't argue. When they said it would take _____ time I said okay and went about my business. Now getting married in a church in Italy is a whole nother egg. Man talk about ridiculous rules. So this was my first regret. Then buying a house. Oh the headaches. Then taxes, then PREGNANCY. What do you mean I can't have an epidural. How many times I said it would be easier to move to the states.

Oh but I am vearing off topic. Anyway, I have settled into my life but it is not the life I dreamed of. I am happy here and that is what matters. But then I would have been happy anywhere as long as I had the basics to my life. I miss not having certain things but I have learned to make do. I spend way too much time on the computer to have that contact with the US which is not so good (and I have to break this habit!).

I know a couple whose dream it was to move here. They retired, bought a property, got royally shafted because they did not know what they were doing and although they had what they thought was a good person helping them that person turned out to be a complete jerk who is now suing them. They finally got rid of this property after 6 years of fighting with lawyers and architects. They ended up buying an apartment in the middle of Lucca in the meantime. Everything was great as the place was a real find, top notch everything. Was owned previously by a VIP in Italy who bought it and remodled it for his fiance. When she left him he wanted to sell it and everything it it. They bought it (the dollar was great against the Euro at the time) and were happy for a couple of years, day tripping and just enjoying life. Then it sunk in that they missed the ease of life back in the states. The stress of the law suit etc. was getting to them, the very hot summer we just had after the very long winter was too much. They now are living in a flat the bought back in San Francisco and are very happy. They will use this as their vacation home for now. They had two honeymoon periods, the initial move over and the new fancy apartment but the honeymoon wore off. They had lots of regrets.

I think when you realize that you have to change not your surrounding the annoyances fade away but I think there will always be regrets in everyone. Just of verying degrees. I also think that many people have regrets for a while and think about selling all and moving back and then find something good to hold on to for a while and end up staying.

I haven't lived in Italy. I did live for two years in Vienna, and a year in Sydney, Australia when I was around your age, but I was single. The experience of living outside of Canada was mind-expanding and it changed me forever and I would normally be strongly supportive of anyone wanting to move to Italy, but I am hesitant in your particular case. Let me explain my hesitation.

While in Australia, I thought long and hard about whether or not I could live there permanently. At that time, Australia was considerably more chauvinistic than Canada and there were far fewer professional work opportunities available there for women. I knew that it would be far easier to earn a high income in Canada. But I also concluded that I couldn't live in Australia permanently because all of my family are in Canada. It was one thing to be away for a year or two, quite another to think of living permanently on another continent. If my parents had health problems, I would be too far away to be able to travel on short notice. I also knew that while I didn't want to get married and have children myself, I did want a lifestyle that included "family", and I did not want to spend an entire adult lifetime with only good friends around me. (My life now is probably 98% friends, but that 2% family is a solid grounding that I want. I wanted to be around while my little nephews and nieces were growing up, having birthdays, still at that age where they were getting a huge kick out of Xmas, etc. And then there were all the aunts, uncles, cousins, et al whose lives I would no longer be a part of. I didn't want to become a stranger to them either.

Twenty years later, I have absolutely no regrets: Canada has been a terrific place to both earn a living and also live life very well indeed. I look back at my decision to be closer to my family as a wise lifetime investment that I made when I was about your age, and, while I didn't know it at the time, it has laid the foundation for a happy old age. I am looking forward to watching the children of my nieces and nephews grow up. I have a sense of security about me that my nieces and nephews (and/or their children) will take care of me, even if I grow up to be a terribly wicked old witch!

You have said that your parents are unwell, and I'm assuming that you wouldn't want them to be without your support at such a scary time in their lives, and they would probably be heartbroken at the thought of permanently losing you and their young grandchildren to Italy. When their health status changes and their stress level has decreased, you'll be in a better position to assess whether Italy is a good permanent home for you, and how they might feel about your move. Would they be able to travel to Italy frequently to visit you? Is there a possibility that they might live part of the year there? Will you be able to bring your children home for extended visits? Answers to those questions might help you with your decision.

I have found it very helpful to stay tuned into this "Living in Italy" thread. Reading about the experiences of others living there on a daily basis has taken a bit of the shine off Italy -- and I think that that is good! It has helped me to get a much clearer and more accurate picture of what I would gain and lose by living in Rome on a part-time basis when I eventually retire. Maybe following this thread on a daily basis over the next 12-18 months (and I'm sincerely hoping that your family health problems are resolved by then) would help you get to the point where you could assess whether it is something you will or won't regret.

If you have already been reading this thread, you will have seen what I consider to be really sound advice given to others: "Go to Italy for an extended period of time before deciding to settle there permanently." I think that this is sound advice because Europe ain't North America, and I think you need some "on the ground" experience to be able to assess this for yourself. In my experience, daily living in Europe had plenty of frustrations and it was "inconvenient" (weird shopping hours, things that just didn't work like they do in North America, doing the simplest things took forever, coping with the language, far fewer entertainment options in English, etc.) I had a terrific time, but I was young and single and could fairly easily take the inconveniences in stride. Don't discount how (relatively) easy and convenient it is to raise a young family in North America, without giving yourself a good taste of what it would be like to be a mother with a young brood in Italy.

Yesterday I read something in the newspaper about marriage breakdowns. The question was "Which is more likely to cause a marriage breakdown? A husband's infidelity or your annoyance at how he ______?" (Can't remember now, but fill in the blank with something trivial. The answer was the trivial thing, because daily stuff builds up whereas it's possible that the affair might eventually be forgiven. It reminded me that the small conveniences that I routinely take for granted in North America are precisely those things which I missed the most when I lived in Europe. Those little inconveniences are worth investigating.

I'm with Art and Barb. While walking thru Paciano 2 years ago-after staying in the next village for a month ( and previously a few weeks) we saw an apartment inside the walls and 3 days later bought it and moved here 2 years ago-NO regrets at all. The wonderful life we have here outweighs all the inconveniences, the heat of the summer (good thing our walls are a meter thick), the problems with permessos, etc and we just go along with it, and letting the gratitude list get longer. I had to come back to the states 2 months in the fall and again been here since Jan 4th-gong home tomorrow-and can't wait. I loved shopping at Costco's and the malls and my suitcases prove it-but i also don't like 'me' while I am here-stress laden, spending more, eat more, rush more everywhere-and , for me, I would rather live in Italy. My husband shares the same opinion. So, we have no regrets and I sincerely doubt if we will return to living in the states full time again. Our home is here and here to stay.

Hi all. I was away over the weekend as it is a holiday weekend here in the States. Wow, everyone has such great responses. Although regrets can sometimes be construed as a negative, I think, like Cristina, everyone has regrets to some degree wherever they are. Your life is defined by your choices, so look at your history to know where you are and how you got there!

I thought a lot about this whole Italy thing this past weekend while I was enjoying time in the mountains with my closest friends and their families, and came to the conclusion that I cannot permanently move there yet. My husband wants to work here, and, being so young, we can't retire now. (bummer) I would really like to own a place that I could freely visit throughout the year. So, I think I'll have to just put a realistic time frame on that purchase. 1) the dollar needs to gain some ground! 2) My kids need to travel a little better (that return trip from Frankfurt to LA is SOOOOOOOO long for them! 3) I should plan on a couple more extended trips there.

I sincerely appreciate everyone's perspective and I agree, having been to Italy many times, that if you go there with the American mindset and expect everything American (or wherever you are from) you will be frustrated and disappointed. I am going to digress, but I remember this last summer being so content when I was in Italy. My husband's nonna's summer home is a large home in a small town outside Bologna. Granted she has a pool and keeps to herself because she is 80 something and has someone to cook, etc., but it was my kids who were different. They were perfectly content to wander around the grounds, go swimming help me cook and go for bike rides. In the U.S. , all they want is candy and toys and never seem to be satisifed! For some reason this country breeds discontent. no one can do without. No one is satisified with their big house and big car or their big fancy job. I never see that in Italy (where I have experienced Italy) and really appreciate the simpler life I lead there. (Obviously because I don't have to work there.) I have never been disappointed with my visits and actually learn to appreciate the country more and more each time. However, I also realize everything great the U.S. has to offer. Having the best of both worlds would be the ideal situation for the near future.

I will continue following this board and ask questions as they come along. My husband said today that I should go this summer and scout out Umbria. At least he is coming around!

Thanks again everyone. I enjoy reading everything about this topic!